Values Driven Marriage

I love my wife. The night when we first dated, I was so certain that I would like her to be my wife. I laid down my intention of pursuing her for marriage on that same night. She said yes to be in a relationship with me two months after. I proposed to her four months after and we got married on December of the same year. All in the same year!

Every day, there is a new revelation about who she is. Every day is a revelation on how do I respond to her and what kind of leader am I in the household. Admittedly, our first six months were made for us to discover a lot about us and individually. We were not friends before marriage happened to us. In fact, we had no clue how to share concerns, issues about each other or even fight.

One morning, in our tiny dining table we decided to act as if we were fighting. We thought that our neighbors should know that we are a normal couple. That we can have misgivings sometimes for each other. After few tirades, we teared up laughing. We were laughing really hard.

But there were days when we were not acting up. When we were really in tears because of tensions. There were crazy days when my heart would like to explode in fits of anger and mood swings. And then silence that can be deafening.

What holds us together?

Some couples have rules of engagement. These are rules that they agree like not walking out in the middle of passionate discussions, no physical violence, kids should not hear them fighting, etc. Rules of engagement works for others. For me and my wife though, we agree on what values should help us in every circumstance that we are in.

What holds us together are the values that we agreed on. Here are our family values:

  1. Honor God
  2. Family
  3. Make Disciples
  4. Generosity

I will be writing one article for honoring God, family, and making disciples in the coming weeks to flesh those out. We really want to be of help to the newly married just like us. As a couple, we are blessed with people who were with us from the beginning and are still with us now in bad times and in good times. There is no point in not sharing all that we’ve learned as our mentors gave them to us unselfishly.

Why did we come up with values?

 I have written this before which I heard from pastors:

When values are clear, decisions are simpler.

Your values determine your priorities and how you want to live your life. You make decisions every day that is aligned to your values.

If you want to honor God, then you will not decide on compromising your relationship with Him. You want to honor Him even in small details. You pray, read the Bible and build an intimate relationship with Him.

If you value family, then you do the best that you can to spend time with them and to not bring your work at home. Be the wife/husband or mother/father in your family.

When you understand and have a set of values, you will be able to get right priorities and will have clarity in decision making.

How did we come up with values?

Our values are deeply rooted with who we believe in. We believe in Jesus. We believe that He is with us and sees us in all the things that we do. We want to honor Him. We want to have a married life where Jesus is the center.

We came up with those values because of our encounters with Him. As we have read in the Bible, even Jesus prayed to glorify and honor God the Father. He started ministry after three decades of being with his family. He made disciples. Jesus talked about being faithful stewards. He is so generous in everything to the point of giving up His very own life.

More of Him

 And so, we do not just want to honor Him because of the vows that we said during our wedding day.

We want to honor Him for who He is.

We hope that people will see Him in our marriage. That as we uphold our values more and more of Him will be revealed to other people and less and less of us.

He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less. –John 3:30 (NLT)

WRITTEN BY: JUNVER ARCAYNA

 

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